Those Phrases given by A Father Which Saved Me when I became a Brand-New Dad

"In my view I was merely just surviving for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to cope with the demands of becoming a dad.

Yet the truth rapidly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Serious health issues surrounding the birth resulted in his partner Louise hospitalised. Abruptly he was forced into acting as her primary caregiver in addition to taking care of their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing every night time, every change… every walk. The role of mother and father," Ryan explained.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his parent, on a park bench, that made him realise he required support.

The straightforward words "You aren't in a healthy space. You must get support. How can I help you?" paved the way for Ryan to speak honestly, seek support and regain his footing.

His experience is commonplace, but rarely discussed. While the public is now better used to addressing the stress on moms and about PND, far less attention is paid about the struggles new fathers face.

Asking for help is not weak to ask for help

Ryan believes his difficulties are symptomatic of a broader failure to open up amongst men, who often absorb harmful ideas of masculinity.

Men, he says, frequently believe they must be "the rock that just gets smashed and remains standing time and again."

"It isn't a show of being weak to ask for help. I failed to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, notes men frequently refuse to acknowledge they're having a hard time.

They can think they are "not a legitimate person to be seeking help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental well-being is equally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad provided him with the opportunity to ask for a pause - spending a short trip overseas, separate from the family home, to get a fresh outlook.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotions alongside the logistical chores of taking care of a new baby.

When he shared with Louise, he realised he'd missed "what she longed for" -reassuring touch and paying attention to her words.

Reparenting yourself'

That epiphany has transformed how Ryan sees being a dad.

He's now writing Leo weekly letters about his feelings as a dad, which he wishes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan thinks these will assist his son to better grasp the expression of feelings and interpret his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something artist Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since becoming a dad to his son Slimane, who is now four.

When he was young Stephen was without consistent male a father figure. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, deep-held difficult experiences resulted in his father struggled to cope and was "present intermittently" of his life, making difficult their connection.

Stephen says suppressing emotions resulted in him make "poor actions" when younger to modify how he was feeling, finding solace in substance use as an escape from the hurt.

"You gravitate to behaviours that are harmful," he says. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will eventually cause more harm."

Tips for Getting By as a First-Time Parent

• Talk to someone - if you feel overwhelmed, confide in a family member, your spouse or a therapist what you're going through. This can to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Maintain your passions - make time for the pursuits that allowed you to feel like yourself before becoming a parent. This might be exercising, socialising or playing video games.
• Look after the physical stuff - eating well, staying active and when you can, resting, all play a role in how your emotional health is faring.
• Connect with other first-time fathers - listening to their journeys, the messy ones, along with the good ones, can help to put into perspective how you're experiencing things.
• Remember that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after yourself is the best way you can look after your loved ones.

When his father later died by suicide, Stephen expectedly struggled to accept the loss, having had no contact with him for a long time.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's determined not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his child and instead offer the safety and nurturing he did not receive.

When his son is about to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "releasing the emotion" together - processing the emotions constructively.

The two men Ryan and Stephen explain they have become improved and more well-rounded men because they confronted their struggles, altered how they express themselves, and learned to manage themselves for their children.

"I'm better… dealing with things and handling things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I expressed, at times I think my role is to instruct and tell you how to behave, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding just as much as you are through this experience."